I came across a website today, and although we are pretty strict, and teach our daughters to dress modestly, there were a few things I read that I've never thought of! I'm not a man, so sometimes I wondered at some "preferences" Travis had for the girls' dress. I just thought it was an unnecessary preference! For instance, I didn't always understand why he didn't like a particular type of skirt that
I thought was fine since it was long enough, and a full skirt. I thought
"He just doesn't like the material. So what's wrong with it?" The material
was what was wrong.
But Travis always has the last say in the girls' clothing (if he's not with us, we leave tags attached until after approval), so the comments I read on this site were not an issue, but an eye-opener to how men think. Travis has talked to me and the girls about how men think, but sometimes we question our husbands! =(
After perusing the site for awhile, I showed it to the girls so they could see for themselves. They willingly (usually) dress how their Dad says, but they need to grow into their own convictions, not his. Sometimes another voice, especially from teen boys, can be beneficial.
Awhile back, one daughter said she wanted to dress so that the wrong kinds of boys would not be attracted to her. Yay!!!!
Click for the
Modest Survey.
7-8-14 --
Link is broken, but I have emailed them to see if they have simply moved it. Hoping that is the case so that I can post the correct link here. =)
It did work not too many months ago...
2-27-15 --
I am sorry but I have had no reply, despite emailing them once more a couple of months ago. But thankfully I do have some comments I had copy/pasted below.
This was a survey of 148 questions. Over 1,600 Christian men and boys ages 12 and up have answered questions on everything from glitter lotion and lip gloss to layering clothes and skirt slits.
If you scroll down under
The Petition, I especially like the second statement:
Always honor your parents above the results of the survey. (
Ephesians 6:1-3)
Scroll back up to click on
Survey Results, then click on a category, then a statement on the right to see if men agree or disagree with the statement.
These are statements/questions, not the actual survey results. Scroll down to see the results each time. Scroll further down to read actual text responses. You may click at the bottom to see more text responses.
In my opinion, the text responses are actually more eye-opening than the percentage agree/disagree poll results.
This survey is about Modesty, and includes much more than the basics. Some categories included are:
Undergarmets, Layering, Posture/Movement...
One of the categories was
Open Questions.
One question was,
"If you could say one thing to your sisters in Christ about modesty, what would it be?"
Here are a few responses:
Age 24: "Sisters in Christ, you really have no concept of the struggles that guys face on a daily basis. Please, please, please take a higher standard in the ways you dress. True, we men are responsible for our thoughts and actions before the Lord, but it is such a blessing when we know that we can spend time with our sisters in Christ, enjoying their fellowship without having to constantly be on guard against ungodly thoughts brought about by the inappropriate ways they sometimes dress. In 1 Corinthians 12 the apostle Paul presents believers as the members of one body - we have to work together. Every Christian has a special role to play in the body of Christ. That goal is to bring glory to the Savior through an obedient, unified body of believers - please don't hurt that unity by dressing in ways that may tempt your brothers in Christ to stumble."
Age 26: "... Church should NEVER be a guy's greatest source of temptation, in any way. Please, be especially careful when picking out your dress clothes for church, and make sure they are modest when sitting and kneeling (if you kneel in church), not just standing in front of the mirror."
Age 16: "Please don’t take modesty lightly. As your brother in Christ I value the relationship that I will have with my wife someday. When I am tempted because of you I lose a part of myself that I am trying to save for her..."
Age 17: "That they have absolutely no idea of how important it is to us. There are enough attacks the devil launches at us in the area of lust as it is without having to, as often in my experience, stare at the floor the duration of Sunday School."
Age 18: "For those of you trying to be modest, thank you, thank you, thank you! I certainly notice it and am grateful for it. For those of you who aren't sure about modesty, it is hard enough for us guys as it is; please don't make it harder."
Age 24: "That it is not just what they wear, but the attitude in which they wear it. If a lady dresses modestly but is flirtatious or hard-hearted, she is still displaying immodesty..."
Age 19: "You have no idea how much it means to me as a guy when I see girls who are doing their best to be modest. These are girls that I feel completely comfortable being friends with, and by their actions they demand my respect. Modesty will win you the friendship of guys who will care about you as a person and will see you as a sister in Christ before they see you as anything else, and modesty will protect you from guys who only care about your looks and who see you only as a potential girlfriend."
Age 19: "If any guy ever tells you that he thinks that something is immodest, you should probably listen to him, because it's incredibly awkward to tell a girl that, so he's probably really bothered."
Age 30-34: "If a girl would think in terms of a man being someone's husband, perhaps that would help her not want to draw the eyes of another woman's husband and a little girl's dad. She would see that she can actually give a man a moment's relief from his constant fight for faithfulness to God and to his future wife. A moment to lower his guard and catch his breath again is really refreshing."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Question:
Would you purposely show a little child candy, knowing they could not have it?
I Just Want to Smell It
I remember when one of my nieces was about 2 years old. She really, really wanted a Tootsie Roll from the bag on the table. She got a piece and put it on the table near her plate.
After a minute, she picked up the Tootsie Roll, and her grandmother told her to finish her food on her plate. She said, "I just want to hold it."
A little later, she opened it. "I just want to smell it," she said. What do you think happened next?
Yes, then the grandmother had to step away for a brief minute. When she came back, my niece was quite happily eating the Tootsie Roll! We could hardly expect otherwise!
Think about it:
What if there was a new (ridiculous) law that as we were passing an accident on the highway, in order to give the victims and family privacy, we were not allowed to look. Policemen were on guard, watching to see if any passersby looked toward the accident.
How dumb! Of course people are going to look! How can they be expected not to?
I've heard girls say, "They don't have to look." Do they really want guys to not look at them?
Can we really expect men not to look when a girl/woman (even unknowingly) dresses in such a way that attracts men?
Do we want them all to have to stare at the floor like that 17yo young man ↑ said he did?
As Far as Possible - Which way will you go?
I heard a story of an employer interviewing truck drivers. There was a certain road that ran very near a cliff. He asked each of them, "How close can you drive near the edge without going over?"
They had various answers: Two feet, a foot, one even said 6 inches! The driver who got the job was the one who said, "I'd stay as far from that edge as possible!"
Why must females dress as
close to immodest dress as possible? Why do we flirt a little? Why do we compare ourselves, saying we're not as bad?
So ladies and daughters, even if you think you
do dress modestly, as I did, please look at this website. We will learn some things as long as we don't just pick the answers we like. The fact that certain questions are
even on that survey says a lot!
Sixteen hundred men can't all be wrong.
The Will of God and Your Purity, by Bro. Johnny Pope
Click for
printable scripture notes. He gives a
lot of scripture! =)
The message starts around 7½ minutes.
2-27-15
A further note about "as far as possible."
Here is an excerpt from a book I am reading,
Jack Hyles Speaks on Biblical Separation.
Chapter 5.
What About Secondary Separation?
One of the big issues of our day is not only, "Should we separate, from the wrong crowd?" but also, "Should we separate from those who run with the wrong crowd?" We could go on and on and ask, " Should we separate from those who run with those who run with the wrong crowd?" and "Should we separate from those who run with those who run with those who run with the wrong crowd?" To enter into such a subject is like tiptoeing through mine fields, but since the issue needs to be faced, we will do so.
Sin is basically that which causes bad consequences to me or to someone else. This is an oversimplification, but to say the least, sin has consequences. The ultimate consequence of sin is death. Because of this, the wise person will find what leads to death and avoid it. The answer to this is in James 1:14,15. "But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death." The Bible teaches us that sin brings death. We are reminded in the Word of God that the soul that sinneth shall surely die. We are reminded that the wages of sin is death. If we could just find what brings death and avoid it, we could avoid death-death of dreams, death of homes, death of hopes, etc. Since we don't want to die, then we should avoid sin, for sin brings death.
What brings sin? We find in our text verses the answer to this. Temptation brings sin. Hence, the wise person will stay away from death by staying away from sin and will stay away from sin by staying away from temptation, for temptation leads to sin and sin leads to death. To be two steps from death is better than to be one step from death.
We could be even safer if we could find what brings temptation. Again, our text verses tell us that enticement causes temptation. Enticement is someone or something trying to get us to consider wrong. Since enticement leads to temptation and temptation leads to sin and sin leads to death, then a person is farther from death if he stays away from enticement. If one does not want to die, he should avoid sin. If he wants to avoid sin, he should avoid temptation. If he wants to avoid temptation, he should avoid enticement. If this can be done, we are another step farther from death. Far too many of us walk just inside the boundary of sin, and then one stumble sends us across the line! However, if a person can find that temptation brings sin and enticement brings temptation, he can be several steps from death; then if he stumbles, he will not stumble into sin but into enticement.
Recently a young lady in Hyles-Anderson College came to my office in tears and completely broken. I asked her what was the trouble. She said, "Dr. Hyles, I am a fallen woman."
I said, "Oh, my, I'm sorry!"
She said, "I know I have broken your heart. I never thought it would happen to me, but it did. I know my parents will be heartbroken! My pastor will be crushed! I know, Brother Hyles, that I have hurt you deeply."
As she told me this she was weeping uncontrollably. I wept with her. I asked her, "Where did this happen?"
She said, "In the halls of Hyles-Anderson College."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I said, "Exactly what did you do?"
She said, "Brother Hyles, I held a boy's hand."
Though I continued to look concerned, I could not help but rejoice inwardly. To her, to become a fallen woman was to hold a boy's hand. She had stayed so far away from sin that when she did stumble, she was far enough away from the edge of sin not to go into sin itself. How tragic it is that many schools have their rules just between temptation and sin! The only rules are those which keep young people from sin. Why not make rules that keep them from temptation? Then why not make rules that keep them from enticement? Then why not make rules to prevent enticement in order to keep the young people even farther from death? If sin brings death, let us stay away from sin. If temptation brings sin, let us stay away from temptation. If enticement brings temptation, let us stay away from enticement.
If we could find what causes enticement, we could take another step away from death. The answer once again is in our text. Lust brings enticement. Lust simply means "desire." We lust, then we are enticed, then we are tempted, then we sin, then we die. We could take a step farther from death if we could find what leads to lust or desire. Again we find in our text that being drawn away leads to lust. God has a plan for each of our lives. Each of us is to be busily engaged in fulfilling that plan. When we are drawn away from that plan and the work that God has called us to do, we then notice what the world has to offer and we desire it. Once we desire it, there is always someone who can entice us. Then we are led to temptation which leads to sin which leads to death!
If we would keep from death, we must keep from sin. If we would keep from sin, we must keep from temptation, which takes us two steps from death. If we would be kept from temptation, we must be kept from enticement, which makes us three steps from death. If we are kept from enticement, we must be kept from lust, which puts us four steps from death. If we are kept from lust, we must be kept from being drawn away, which makes us five steps from death. It just makes sense that the farther one can stay from death the better off he is, and since death is caused by sin and sin brings death, we should stay as far away from sin as possible. Everyone who goes into sin follows the same pathway. He is drawn away from doing the things he is supposed to do. His eyes see something after which he lusts. Then someone entices him to take, whereupon he is tempted. The temptation leads to sin, and sin leads to death.
When I was a boy my mother taught me to come straight home from school. There was a certain route that I was to take every day. One day I did not take that route but joined some other boys in traveling another way. We had taken the first step. I was drawn away!
On this new way home there was a peach orchard which also had a big pecan tree nearby. We came by, looked at the peaches and pecans and desired them or lusted after them. Now we had taken the second step toward death which is lust.
Then one of the fellows suggested that since I was the smallest, I should climb to the top of the fence and the other boys would keep me from falling inside. I could lean over the fence, pick up some pecans and peaches and throw them out until there was enough for all of us. Then they would pull me back over the fence and we could go our way. There was the enticement. I was a step closer to death.
As I looked at the peaches and listened to their plan, I was tempted, and I was a step closer to death.
Then came the sin! I climbed the fence and reached for the pecans and peaches on the other side. One boy was at the top of the fence holding me, another boy was at the bottom of the fence holding him and the other boy was on the ground holding him. I got several pecans and peaches and threw them outside the orchard, and just as I was about to get enough, I noticed that the police had arrived! I was the only boy inside the fence, and as soon as the other boys saw the police coming, they let me go! I fell inside the fence and they scurried home. (This is always the case! Those who lead you into sin always drop you as soon as they are through with you or as soon as trouble comes.) There I was facing the police officers. Being drawn away had brought lust, lust had brought enticement, enticement had brought temptation and temptation had brought sin. Sin brought the police. (My mother had called them and told them to scare me to death.) They took me to the police station and warned me of my plight. I could see life imprisonment or perhaps even the electric chair! My predicament was caused by sin. My sin was caused by temptation, my temptation was caused by enticement, my enticement was caused by lust, and my lust was caused by being drawn away from the straight route home.
How foolish we are to live just outside sin! How foolish we are to make our rules and standards just outside sin! The farther we can walk from sin, the safer is our walk, and the farther from sin that we can keep those young people over whom we have authority, the safer will be their walk. Too many of us have our rules and standards right after temptation or right after enticement or right after lust or right after being drawn away. The wise leader will keep himself and his followers as many steps from death as possible; hence, as many steps from sin as possible.
Now concerning the matter of secondary separation, this is not even the issue. The issue is to be as safe as possible. If it is safe not to run with the wrong crowd, then it is safer not to run with the crowd who runs with the wrong crowd.
You can finish this chapter or read the book in it's entirety online, or copy/paste into a word document so that it can be printed out. =)
Also suggested:
Do you REALLY Want to be Like Him?
